Breathe
by YuukiRI
Summary: Sometimes, we need to stop and take a breath to remember the people who cherish us to get back on the correct path. But, sometimes, we need someone to push us back. One-shot. Character death.


**Hi! This is just another one shot that whipped up and I hope you enjoy it =) ****  
**

**Breathe**

'_It's painful. I can't breathe. Haven't I suffered enough? Haven't I tried hard enough? It's exhausting; to continue being __**me**__is pointless. I've had enough; I don't want to deal with this cursed-like blessing anymore. Yet why can't I let go? Just let the world continue on like always. Why do they have to interfere? They're the one who made it come to this. Why wont they just let me die already?'_

"Li-san? If you can hear me please open your eyes slowly."

I couldn't fully comprehend what the voice was telling me to do. My head felt meshed and disoriented, my body as I released a small spasm of movement. My eyes opened slightly and a light immediately blinded me. I flinched, but I soon relaxed and opened my eyes, and I found myself surrounded by white.

"Li-san, if you can hear what I'm saying squeeze my hand." A fuzzy figure on my right requested as I tried to regain my normal vision.

I wanted to yell at the person that I could tell him that I could hear him without squeezing a _guy's_ hand. However I found myself unable to talk properly, so I obediently listened to him and squeezed his hand. I blinked and huffed slightly, at least I could see him now and he was smiling.

"Good. Now Li-san, right now you're at Saint Marie's Hospital. Do you remember what happened? If you do, squeeze my hand." He instructed gently.

I remember. I remember clearly; I squeezed his hand lightly again.

"Alright." The man who I assumed to be a Doctor said lightly. "You suffered a few injuries, most of them are superficial but some of the were rather deep. But you don't need to worry, we already attended to them." He paused before smiling lightly. "You're going to be here for a few weeks until I determine that you're completely healthy again. I'm Doctor Kinimoto, Kinimoto Touya. You can call me Touya."

I continued to watch him as he began to ramble on that I had nothing to worry about. _'I was right, he was a doctor.'_ I paused. '_What a friendly doctor.'_ I struggled as I moved my free hand to touch something that restricted my face.

"Oh, don't take off the mask." Doctor Kinimoto said stopping me. "You can't take it off until tomorrow." I think he sensed my frustrations since he then added. "It's a precaution, you swallowed a lot of water and some of it aspirated into your lungs." He frowned at this.

I felt myself frowning as I relaxed my arm. Randomly, the lids of my eyes felt heavy again.

I think Doctor Kinimoto noticed this as well and relaxed his stern face. "The anesthesia must be taking its effect. Go to sleep and we'll talk again tomorrow Li-san. If you have any questions you can ask me or the nurses tomorrow."

I couldn't disagree even if I wanted to; I simply allowed the heavy urge to close my eyes to take control. Although he told me I could ask him anything I doubt he could answer the one question I have. My eyes fluttered one last time as I turned my head slightly and allowed the dark blessed world to consume me. _'What right did you have to save me, when I wanted to die?'_

* * *

My eyes fluttered open as I tried to take a deep breath. I felt the light once again blind my sight for a moment before I found myself surrounded by white. I felt my face free of any restraining mask as I breathed in a breath of fresh air. I looked around me only to see that young doctor at the foot of my bed.

"Oh, good morning Li-san." He greeted with a friendly smile. "How are you feeling today?"

I remained silent as I adjusted myself to lean my pillow.

He ignored my silence as he continued. "Do you feel any kind discomfort?"

I wrinkled my nose as a shot of blunt pain rumbled in my stomach. "My stomach." I answered. My voice seemed raspy from not speaking for so long.

"Could you describe that feeling?" He asked in all seriousness.

"I feel like throwing up." I stated simply.

"Is there anything else?" He asked as he wrote down onto his clipboard.

I shook my head numbly.

"The pain in your stomach is a common symptom after experiencing suffocation. It should be gone before you leave." He told me as if I was supposed to care. When he finished writing he relaxed his arms and looked up at me.

I narrowed my eyes reflexively when I saw the look in his eyes, the look of _pity_. I frowned, _'I do not wish to see those eyes'_. I eyed Doctor Kinimoto coldly as I asked indifferently. "Are you done?"

He flinched slightly before he answering softly. "Your parents said they can't come at the moment so your sister will be coming." He seemed to have mistaken the indifference in my eyes as sadness when he added. "But they said they'll come visit you if they're able to finish work early."

"They won't come." I said emotionless. He gave me a half startled half questioning look; causing me to restate my thoughts. "They don't like to deal with anything they believe to be troublesome."

"I'm sure they'll come." The doctor asserted.

I shrugged, I really could care less what he believed in.

"Your sister was here earlier but you were still sleeping, she should be back in the afternoon."

"Yeah I know, she has classes in the mornings." I said carelessly. "If that is all, could you please-"

"Touya!" An incredibly cheerful voice called out from outside my room.

I frowned slightly at the interruption as I watched the source of the disturbance walk in.

A teenage girl who seemed to be around the same age as me walked in with a slight skip to her step as she called out again. "Touya!" I saw her emerald eyes brighten as she smiled.

Doctor Kinimoto seemed to give her a worried look as he asked gently. "What are you doing, wandering around like this Sakura?"

"I just finished with my session and I saw you in here." The girls auburn locks cascaded her shoulder as she answered excitedly. She was obviously a patient since she was wearing that mandatory horrible dull blue patient clothing.

"I'm working right now." Doctor Kinimoto sighed.

"I know, I know." She chided as she turned her head towards me. I think it was just _then_ that she realized I was here. "Oh? I've never seen you around."

_'Never seen?'_ My brows furrowed, she was talking as if we were in a fun gathering place as opposed to a hospital. Nevertheless I answered with apathy. "I'm new."

Doctor Kinimoto also seemed to notice how tactless her question was as he began to inform me. "Sorry this is my little sister. She's been here for a while so she takes pride for knowing everyone in the hospital."

I saw her giggle softly as she introduced herself. "Hi! My names Kinomoto Sakura but you can call me Sakura."

"Li Syaron" I replied curtly.

"Syaoran huh." She said vacantly before smiling brightly once again as if she realized something. "So it's Syao then!"

My mind drew a blank, as I felt slightly stunned from her welcome and her immediate use of my given name. I wasn't quite used to people being overly friendly. I never even had someone call me Syao before. I watched her in slight interest as she continued to smile. However I quickly shook it off as the feeling of nonchalance and irritation overtook my mind.

"Hey, hey." She approached my bed and sat on the chair next to me. "So how are you feeling? I heard someone who broke their hip came in today. Is that you?"

_'Do I look like I have a broken hip?' _I made no move to answer as she continued to stare at me.

"Li-san just came out of a coma yesterday Sakura. And you should be more sensitive when asking people questions. How many times have I told you this?" Doctor Kinimoto reprimanded.

"You can't get to know someone without asking some questions." Sakura childishly stuck out her tongue at her brother before turning back to me with a smile. "Hey how old are you?"

I stayed quiet for a minute before answering stoically. "Seventeen."

"Wow so we're the same age." Her smile widened and I couldn't help but stare as her azure eyes twinkled in delight.

"Well, I have to make my rounds so I'll see you again later alright Li-san?" Doctor Kinimoto informed me as he began walking towards the door.

I nodded slowly.

"Sakura, don't cause too much trouble." Doctor Kinimoto joked as he exited the room.

"I won't." She sang out before facing me again. "So what school do you go to?"

I sighed, I didn't really want to hurt anyone, but honestly I didn't really want to talk. "Look, no offense but I doesn't feel like talking so could you leave?"

She made a face of confusion. "But I don't want to."

For the first time since I woke up I expressed a look of incredibility.

"Besides." She continued. "What good is it going to do to be holed up in such a blindingly white room?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Don't you have a sense of respect? I'm asking you to leave."

"Wow you must come from a really respectful family. I never heard a seventeen year old say that with so much conviction before." She noted ignoring my question as she stood up and walked towards the window. She slid it open which allowed a gentle breeze to flow in.

My irritation level rose. "Hey are you listening to-" I paused when I saw the vacuous look on her face as she stared off into the endless blue sky. I quirked a brow when I saw her smile. "What?" I asked in reflex.

"The birds are singing." She said excitedly as she turned towards me.

I snorted in fake arrogance. "So?"

She continued to smile as if she didn't hear the annoyance in my tone. "You know I always found it amazing how that everyday the birds would wake up and sing."

"Like when they decide to sing five a.m. in the morning and decide to try waking everybody up?" I asked in remembrance to the times when I woke up to the birds singing annoyingly outside my window.

She laughed at my words before answering. "That's true, but seeing how they wake up early each day to sing don't you feel like that they're trying to say 'Wake up! Get going! Smile! Live! It's a brand new day!'"

I smirked. "Isn't that just your interpretation? For all you know you could be wrong."

"I suppose, but isn't better to think that way? And for all you know, I could be right." She glanced outside the window.

I sighed. "You're very exhausting to be with."

She laughed again, for some reason it sounded soothing like the sound of church chimes ringing. "I'm a lively person you know?" She walked back towards my bed. "So what school do you go to?"

I groaned in defeat. "Vine Hill High."

"Oh I know that school!" She nearly shouted in excitement. "I go to Thornhill."

"I see." I answered passively.

"So since you're not in here for a broken hip, what are you here for Syao?"

"It's none of your business." I paused before saying. "Kinimoto-san."

She looked surprised for a moment but her eyes soon widened in delight but she soon pouted. "Don't call me Kinimoto it's so formal. Just call me Sakura like everyone else."

My brows furrowed. "I don't like the name Sakura." I stated bluntly.

Instead of looking offended she asked. "Why?"

I turned my head away in slight shame before muttering. "It's my fiancé's name."

I expected her to question me but she surprised me by saying. "I see."

For some reason when I saw the look on her face I felt as if I should apologize. "Sorry."

She smiled and shook her head. "It's alright." Her eyes twinkled as if she thought of something good. "How about you call me Kura?"

"Kura?"

"Yeah!" She grinned as bright as she always did. "My grandmother used to call me that."

I felt my cheeks heat up as I answered. "Alright."

"Xiao-Liang?"

I looked up and saw my older sister by three years walk in her usual fashionable outfit. "Shiefa."

"You're finally awake." She smiled as she walked over and hugged me.

"Yeah." My voice trailed off.

I saw Kura stand up before she said. "I'll leave you two alone then. See you tomorrow Syao?"

I froze before chuckling for the first time in a long while. I think this was the only time where she asked what I wanted and when I thought about that I couldn't help but smile. "Yeah." She looked startled but grinned nevertheless.

"Who was that?" Shiefa asked curiously.

"A friend is what you can call her I guess." I frowned when I noticed my sister was giving off a serious atmosphere. "What?"

She sat down as she placed the fruit basked down and held my hand. "Xiao-Liang, why did you do something like that?"

When she asked me that question my cold reality began to set itself back into my mind and my indifferent expression reappeared. "No reason."

"Don't lie to me Xiao-Liang." My sister began, I felt her on verge of tears as she asked. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

I looked away. "No reason. And it doesn't really matter does it?" I released a short, small, apathetic laugh. "Since I didn't succeed anyway."

My sister who would never hurt a fly slapped me the moment I said those words. I looked at her and saw her eyes were overflowing with tears. "Were you planning to leave me here for _no reason_? Before deciding things like suicides for _no reason_, think about those that you'll leave behind!"

I shrugged not willing to talk. At this point my sister couldn't take my indifferent attitude anymore and stormed out of the room; I heaved a sigh. When she left I and raised my hand to touch the cheek that suffered from impact. I looked down in downcast before whispering. "That hurts."

A vibrating sound startled me. I turned myself towards the source and saw a small electronic game. I picked it up and looked at the back as it continued to vibrate. In clear printed letters it read 'SAKURA'.

"Um that's mine."

I looked up and saw Kura, I sighed before I answered. "I know."

I saw her hesitantly approach me and took the electronic from my hand. I made a puzzled face at the sudden difference in her attitude compared to the one she had ten minutes ago. I couldn't help but ask myself _'where did that energetic girl who was determined to talk to me go?'_ I tried to figure out why but I couldn't think of a single reason for the sudden change in attitude. _'Unless . . .'_ My eyes widened. "Kura."

She looked at me in surprise while she pocketed her electronic. "What is it Syao?"

I took a deep breath. "How much did you hear?"

"What?" She asked flabbergasted.

"I know you heard my conversation with my sister or else you wouldn't be acting like this." I explained my reasoning to her.

She gave me a nervous look but relented in the end. "I realized that I forgot this." She pointed to her pocketed electronic. "So I came back almost right away and ended up overhearing your entire conversation. I'm sorry for eaves dropping."

I shrugged indifferently. "It's alright." I paused. "I didn't plan to you know."

"What?"

"Kill myself." I clarified. "I never planned to kill myself." Kura looked perplexed over my sudden openness but remained silent. I was grateful for that. "It just happened." I sighed; even _I _don't know why I'm telling a complete stranger about this. "My parents are _busy _people, the best in what they do. They don't have any other life other than work. The only times I ever remember them having time for me was when they were angry at me for being a disappointment." I took another breath of air. "In school everything had to be a hundred, in sports I have to be the champion. Everything I did I had to be the best." I paused. "At first I tried my best to please my parents and took on all the classes and activities they wanted me to take. But when I entered high school; the pressure I already couldn't take got worse. And my friends began to leave me one by one." I looked at her straight in the eye, her gaze was steady, not judging. "When I was on that cliff and the sea was in front of me, I began to wonder if my parents would _care_ if I died. I continued to think about it until my mind spiraled down into my deepest worries, my anger and frustrations. And in the end I just felt like ending it all and walked off that cliff." I felt so relieved to have told somebody, but it made me wonder why I wouldn't tell my sister?

"Do you," she paused, "regret it?"

I laughed. "Honestly? No. When I realized I was still alive, I felt like I was in despair. I didn't want to deal with my life anymore. A life where I feel as if everyone is against me and that I had no room to breathe." I paused. "Do you think I made the right choice? I know that my reasons may be considered small to some but to me, those reasons were enough."

"But, aren't you glad to be alive?"

"I already answered that, why are you asking again?"

"Because I didn't believe you and you're crying." She murmured the last bit.

"What?" I touched my cheek and felt the wet substance. "Why am I . . . ?"

"Maybe it's because you aren't as tired of life as you said you are." She whispered. "You don't have to be ashamed." She told me as I turned my head away. "Everyone has their weak moments, everyone has secrets they don't want to share, but I don't think there's one person who truly wants to die."

"But I did!" I yelled at her. I toned down my voice. "I really did." I began to bawl my eyes out like a baby, unable to keep my tears in.

She looked at me for a few moments before speaking. "You know, sometimes i feel like the whole world is against me, but then I remember that there are so many people there for me. And all I need to do to remember that is take a moment, and breathe." She paused again. "Maybe at that moment you did want to die. But at this very moment, is there not even the smallest part of you, that's glad you're alive?" She asked hopefully trying to understand me.

I remained silent.

"Syao?" She prodded gently.

"It's vexing." I forced out causing her to frown. I gave her small smile. "It's vexing because I feel that if I say no to you I'd be lying."

* * *

A few weeks after my manly breakdown Kura and I became close. She would come over to my room every morning just to talk. Or we would sneak outside just to get breath of fresh air. Over the weeks I spent with her I found myself enjoying her laughter more and more and treasuring the things she said to me more than anything else. Kura was always so vigorous and cheerful that it surprised me when she asked me, "would you be sad if I died?"

I gave her a blank stare. "Kura don't joke."

"I'm not, and you know I'm not."

I sighed as I faced her again. "You know I would." I paused. "What brought this on?"

"No reason. It's just that I feel like I'll die 'cause I wont get to talk for the next week," She said with a carefree attitude.

"Why not?" I felt disappointed.

"I have to go through some tests so I have to be in a private room for a bit." She answered.

"Alright." I said dejected. "I'll prepare you some snacks for you once you're through your tests then." I continued light-heartedly. "I'm being released in a week anyway."

She gave me a small smile as she answered. "Alright." I saw her turn her head to the window as she said. "The birds are singing."

I smile at this. "Yeah, they are, I guess they're telling us to get out of bed."

"Yeah." She answered vaguely. "Hey Syao, do you remember when we first met you asked me 'do you think I made the right choice?'"

"Yeah." I tried to sound as neutral as I possible can.

"Honestly, I didn't want to say this at the time but I never thought there is a right or wrong answer. It's just that I don't think anyone should make that choice. Whether to live or to die I think It'll always be better to try to live." She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled brightly. "Living has so many more possibilities after all."

I continued to gaze at her for a few moments for finally smiling. "I can't really argue with that."

She chuckle softly before standing up. "If you agree with me, then I'm really happy Syao."

"Why?" I asked in reflex.

She looks at me with a smirk playing on her lips. "You know why." She dusted her pants. "Okay I got to go. Will you be okay without me?"

I smirked at her. "I'll be just fine."

Her lips form a gentle smile. "That's good." She walks towards the doorway and stops. "Bye-bye Syao!" She gave me a small wave before turning and walking away. I waved too but something made me frown. Even though she gave me the same wave she always does that meant 'see you later' or 'be back in a bit' or 'see you tomorrow'. Why does it seem that the wave she always gave me meant 'goodbye' today?

* * *

Ten days have passed since I last saw her. I looked out the window as I packed in my belongings. My sister waited patiently beside me, and as I predicted my parents didn't come. But I decided that it didn't matter anymore. I smiled, _'and there's only one reason why I can think that way now._' I heard a knock on my door, which caused me to turn towards it, and I saw Touya walk in. Since I became friends with Kura, I became more comfortable with her brother. "What is it Touya?"

He had a solemn face on as he handed me a bag, "My sister wanted to give you these snacks to congratulate you on your release. She said these are you favourite."

"Thanks." I took the bag gratefully. "Where is Kura anyway? She said she'd be back in a week."

I saw a lump go down Touya's throat as he tried to maintain his expression with great difficulty "Syao, Sakura passed away."

I froze at those three words as I looked at him straight in the eyes. "_What_?"

"She passed away two days ago." Touya bit his lip as he continued. "Syao, Sakura has been in and out of the hospital for three years. She had terminal cancer." My eyes widened as he continued. "When you two met she already knew she didn't have much time left. I was hoping you'd come to her funeral."

"How could this happen?" I whispered to myself before looking at Touya. "Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she say anything?" I wrung out.

Touya gave a small laugh at this. "She said she knew you would ask that."

"Why?" I repeated.

Touya looked at him again. "She said to tell you, 'because you never asked'."

I growled in frustration as anger and sadness began to overtake my senses. Before I knew it I was having another manly breakdown. Tears sprung from my eyes as I bit my lip to the point that it was bleeding to keep me from crying out in misery.

"Syao. Sakura told me once, that she wanted to make you realize that it was better to live. She said she didn't want you asking the same question that got you here in the first place."

"I did realize." I grounded out. "But, if _she's_ not here anymore, it's meaningless." I tugged and gripped my packed clothing.

"Syao." Touya called out with such determination, I just had to look at him in the eyes. "Sakura found out she had leukemia during the summer of her last year in elementary school. The doctors all told her that she had a very small chance of survival. Yet Sakura continued to smile. She told me that rather than living in despair and allowing this disease to win. She would rather smile and live her life _she_ wanted, do the things she wished to do, healthy or not she would live, _really _live." He paused. "She also told me when she first met you, she felt kind of jealous and angry, that someone who could live a life she could never truly have, wanted to end it. But then she also said in these exact words 'no matter what this guy says, I'm going to _make_ him see that life no matter what happens in it, is worth living."

I listened to his entire speech that seemed to have lasted an hour as I covered my eyes in slight shame. "That idiot."

"Thank you for being friends with my sister." He smiled softly. "She said that you made her last few weeks in life interesting."

"How can you say that? How can you smile and say that!" A fresh batch of tears made its way down my cheek. "Till the very last moment I remain ignorant, I didn't even notice that the last time I saw her she was saying goodbye to me."

"Forgive her for not saying anything alright?" Touya asked as he began to leave but the he stopped. "Sakura would kill me if she could if I told you this but, you know she loved you right? She said she fell in love with you at first sight." My mouth dropped as I watched Touya smile and leave saying. "Take care of yourself Syaoran."

I fell back against my bed slight stunned at the new piece of information. I sighed as I tried to recompose myself but no matter how hard I tried the tears wouldn't stop falling. I felt my sister come over and pat my back. "It's going to be okay."

"That idiot." I repeated. "Me? _Really_? She has such horrible taste."

My sister suddenly spoke. "Mother and father agreed to let you do what you want from now on. They said they'd try to back off and let you do what you want."

Some weeks ago that sentence would've me feel made so much better, it would've made me feel free. But now I can't help but think that it was pointless. I know my sister was trying to comfort me, but I can't help but feel as if I was back to where I started. Suddenly I heard a familiar sound, one I grew accustomed to and now loved. At that moment my tears stopped and the ends of my lips lifted ever so slightly.

"What's wrong?" My sister asked puzzled.

_Wake up! Get going! Smile! Live! It's a brand new day! _

"The birds are singing."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!  
*Comment/review are always appreciated!  
**I'm still debating on whether or not to make this a two shot it depends on how many enjoy this chapter =)  
-xoxo  
YuukiRi  
**


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